Why did the doctor go to Haiti? How did she get away from her normal practice and patients? How many lives did she save? We might be less interested in the equally important and urgent needs for food, shelter, and sanitation following the earthquake. The people-oriented listener is likely to be more attentive to the speaker than to the message itself.Īction-oriented listeners are primarily interested in finding out what the speaker wants. ![]() If you are a people-oriented listener, you might have certain questions you hope will be answered such as: Does the artist feel successful? What’s it like to be famous? What kind of educational background does the artist have? In the same way, if we’re listening to a doctor who responded to the earthquake crisis in Haiti, we might be more interested in the doctor as a person than in the state of affairs for Haitians. For instance, when people-oriented listeners hear an interview with a famous rap artist, they are likely to be more curious about the artist as an individual than about music, even though they might also appreciate the artist’s work. People-oriented listeners listen to the message in order to learn how the speaker thinks and feels. The people-oriented listener is interested in the speaker. Silence is indeed golden especially when used to gather information as a listener.\) Rather, we do provide positive feedback using body language, eye contact, and non word sounds like "umh, huh". If someone is speaking, and we want them to continue talking, we do not interrupt. It is more painful for a speaker than for a listener. ![]() DO NOT interrupt unless absolutely necessary. As an active or empathic listener, silence is a very valuable tool. Some of the finest police interrogators, counselors, teachers and parents learn more by maintaining silence than by asking questions. To often a truly revealing moment is never brought to fruition because of an untimely interruption. The final rule for active or empathic listening is to effectively use silence. Walk and talk is such a successful strategy that works well for active listening!Ĥ. If we want to provide undivided attention to a child, a better way to show your attention is to do a "walk and talk" as we discussed in Chapter 2. We should be careful how we use it when listening. All primates use eye contact to varying degrees. BUT, eye contact can also be a form of aggression, of trying to show dominance, of forcing submissive behavior. Eye contact can be a form of positive feedback. Positive feedback is an endorphin releaser for the giver and the sender. Applause is the reason many performers perform. Listeners can also send messages to speakers using body language. From their body language the speaker can tell if he is speaking too softly or loudly, too quickly or slowly, or if the vocabulary or the language is inappropriate. The speaker maintains eye contact to be sure the listener or listeners are paying attention. In most listening situations people use eye contact to affirm listening. Absolutely important is dedicating your undivided attention to the speaker if you are to succeed as an active listener. The Chinese symbol that we used to describe listening used the eyes and undivided attention. Give your undivided attention to the speaker. This empathetic behavior is an indicator of emotional intelligence as described in Chapter 3.ģ. If we would speak to anyone about issues important to them, we need to avoid sharing our judgment until we have learned their judgment. Once a child knows your judgment, there is little reason to ask the question unless the intention is to argue. ![]() The kids already know what the adults have to say. There is a reason kids do not usually speak with adults about drugs, sex, and rock and roll. Empathetic listening demonstrates a high degree of emotional intelligence.
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